i dont care
i just like to yak drama stories
9.6.99
winners and losers
What mixed feelings I'm having after the track meet today. First off let me say that Zach was totally incredible out there! In top form, he beat his own personal best time in every race - and placed first in two races and third in one. We were just going nuts in the grandstands for him. Leighanne was so totally proud of him, she was literally beaming (the first time I've seen her look happy in weeks!).
Afterwards we headed down there to congratulate him, and we noticed that an older guy, wearing a polo shirt from a prestigious and private (out of state) college, was talking to Zach. So we just stood off to the side and waited. Then he finally left, and we ran over to hug Zach, and that's when he told us that the guy was the college track coach and hew as offering him a full athletic scholarship. Zach was so thrilled. (His parents can't afforad anything but community college to start out with and so this is a really huge deal for him - everything eh's been working for and dreaming of for a long time.)
So, Leighanne congratulated him and ated like that was just great, but I could tell she was hurting inside. I congratulated him too, and then he told us that our Coach was taking him out for dinner to celebrate, and that he'd see us both at youth group tomorrow.
I'm not sure if Leighanne had even planned on telling him right after the meet, but I guess it was kind of her to allow him a chance to enjoy his achievement for a while. He'd be brought back down to eath soon enough anyway. But then on our way back home, she announces that she's not going to break the news to him until after graduation. well, in my opinion, that's going way above and beyond the call of duty - and so I tell her. And, of course, we get into this big fight over the whole thing. And she tells me not to try to run her life. As if!
What I couldn't make her understand is that I'm only thinking of her own welfare. This is just too huge of a burden for her to bear all by herself. I mean, didn't Zach have something to do with making this baby? It only seems fair that he should suffer a little too. But Leighanne wouldn't hear of it, and she made me promise to continue my vow of silence. So I just continued it all the way home!
Honestly, times like that with her, and I just totally lose my patience about everything. I suppose she's right - I would like to tell her how to live. I even wanted to tell her that if she hadn't had sex with Zach in the first place she wouldn't be in this position right now. But I'm so glad I had decided to keep my mouth shut just then. After I cooled off, I realized how that would have been really cruel on my part. Because who am I to say whether she should tell him now or not, maybe there's a really good reason for her to wait until he graduates. I just hope (when he finds out) that he'll appreciate everything she's gone through for him!
Afterwards we headed down there to congratulate him, and we noticed that an older guy, wearing a polo shirt from a prestigious and private (out of state) college, was talking to Zach. So we just stood off to the side and waited. Then he finally left, and we ran over to hug Zach, and that's when he told us that the guy was the college track coach and hew as offering him a full athletic scholarship. Zach was so thrilled. (His parents can't afforad anything but community college to start out with and so this is a really huge deal for him - everything eh's been working for and dreaming of for a long time.)
So, Leighanne congratulated him and ated like that was just great, but I could tell she was hurting inside. I congratulated him too, and then he told us that our Coach was taking him out for dinner to celebrate, and that he'd see us both at youth group tomorrow.
I'm not sure if Leighanne had even planned on telling him right after the meet, but I guess it was kind of her to allow him a chance to enjoy his achievement for a while. He'd be brought back down to eath soon enough anyway. But then on our way back home, she announces that she's not going to break the news to him until after graduation. well, in my opinion, that's going way above and beyond the call of duty - and so I tell her. And, of course, we get into this big fight over the whole thing. And she tells me not to try to run her life. As if!
What I couldn't make her understand is that I'm only thinking of her own welfare. This is just too huge of a burden for her to bear all by herself. I mean, didn't Zach have something to do with making this baby? It only seems fair that he should suffer a little too. But Leighanne wouldn't hear of it, and she made me promise to continue my vow of silence. So I just continued it all the way home!
Honestly, times like that with her, and I just totally lose my patience about everything. I suppose she's right - I would like to tell her how to live. I even wanted to tell her that if she hadn't had sex with Zach in the first place she wouldn't be in this position right now. But I'm so glad I had decided to keep my mouth shut just then. After I cooled off, I realized how that would have been really cruel on my part. Because who am I to say whether she should tell him now or not, maybe there's a really good reason for her to wait until he graduates. I just hope (when he finds out) that he'll appreciate everything she's gone through for him!
8.6.99
Only one more week of school. And tomorrow is the state track meet (not that I qualified). But Mummy said I can borrow her car to drive Leighanne and me up there. Mummy's been a whole lot nicer to Leighanne lately. I think it's because she suspects there's something seriously wrong between Leighanne and her mom (which has resulted in her moving in with Steph). And, since everyone knows Leighanne's mom is sort of messed up, naturally Mummy's sympathy would lie with Leighanne. I'm just not sure what Mummy will say when she discovers what's really going on with Leighanne (and thankfully, Steph isn't saying anything just yet). So far, it's going really well with Leighanne and Steph (Leighanne's been watching Oliver a lot for her, and she actually seems to really like the little rug rat - maybe something maternal has kicked in with her). It's a relief having Leighanne in a safe place. I was afraid she was about ready to lose it, and I think Steph is good medicine.
I still can't believe that Leighanne has managed to keep her secret from Zach. I don't know I'd have that much self-control - I think I'd want the guy to suffer with me (not that I'll ever get in that situation). I suppose Leighanne had plenty of practice keeping her mouth shut when she lived with her mom. Sometimes I thought that was why she was so crazy and outspoken in other circles. But she sure hasn't been like that lately. She's like a totally different Leighanne. Mostly she's quiet and introspective these days. And sad. Very sad.
I'm afraid to ask her what she plans to do about school next year. I mean, some girls go to school which they're pregnant, but I've seen them getting teased a lot too. And Leighanne has so much pride, I can't imagine her handling that very well. I suppose she's so smart she could just take her GED test and be done with high school altogether. But that seems kind of dismal and anticlimatic (there you go, Miss Tyler, my new vocabularly word for the day - and it means something like a letdown). I think it would be a big letdown to miss your senior year. I mean, I've always looked forward to being seniors together with Leighanne (sort of ruling the school, you know).
But who knows, maybe she doesn't care about that kind of stuff anymore. Maybe she's thinking about being a mom, or perhaps something as crazy as marry Zach!! But if she and Zach did get married, how would they ever go to college? And, good grief, she's only seventeen!! But I'm sure it would be really hard to give up your baby for adoption. And I know she'd never consider abortion - it goes against all she believes about the sanctity of life and everything. On the other hand, she was always thinking about the sanctity of other people's lives, and now, it's her life that we're talking about here. Oh, man, too many things to consider - just way too confusing for me. I'm glad I'm not making these kinds of decisions. Best to keep praying for her - that God will show her what to do. For now I'll just stand by her and continue to be her best friend.
Speaking of friends, I actually had a nice chat with Josh at lunch today. No pressure or anything, just a normal friendly conversation. I kind of think he liked it too. He and Jenny are still broken up and I notice she was looking our way; I wanted to reassure her that I was absolutely no competition. And who knows, maybe someday I'lle ven tell her what's up with me. Although I doubt that she'd understand (she's not even a Christian), but it might just make her think. For all I know God could be working on her even as I write this. Anyway, she's on my prayer list, which is getting quite long by the way.
I still can't believe that Leighanne has managed to keep her secret from Zach. I don't know I'd have that much self-control - I think I'd want the guy to suffer with me (not that I'll ever get in that situation). I suppose Leighanne had plenty of practice keeping her mouth shut when she lived with her mom. Sometimes I thought that was why she was so crazy and outspoken in other circles. But she sure hasn't been like that lately. She's like a totally different Leighanne. Mostly she's quiet and introspective these days. And sad. Very sad.
I'm afraid to ask her what she plans to do about school next year. I mean, some girls go to school which they're pregnant, but I've seen them getting teased a lot too. And Leighanne has so much pride, I can't imagine her handling that very well. I suppose she's so smart she could just take her GED test and be done with high school altogether. But that seems kind of dismal and anticlimatic (there you go, Miss Tyler, my new vocabularly word for the day - and it means something like a letdown). I think it would be a big letdown to miss your senior year. I mean, I've always looked forward to being seniors together with Leighanne (sort of ruling the school, you know).
But who knows, maybe she doesn't care about that kind of stuff anymore. Maybe she's thinking about being a mom, or perhaps something as crazy as marry Zach!! But if she and Zach did get married, how would they ever go to college? And, good grief, she's only seventeen!! But I'm sure it would be really hard to give up your baby for adoption. And I know she'd never consider abortion - it goes against all she believes about the sanctity of life and everything. On the other hand, she was always thinking about the sanctity of other people's lives, and now, it's her life that we're talking about here. Oh, man, too many things to consider - just way too confusing for me. I'm glad I'm not making these kinds of decisions. Best to keep praying for her - that God will show her what to do. For now I'll just stand by her and continue to be her best friend.
Speaking of friends, I actually had a nice chat with Josh at lunch today. No pressure or anything, just a normal friendly conversation. I kind of think he liked it too. He and Jenny are still broken up and I notice she was looking our way; I wanted to reassure her that I was absolutely no competition. And who knows, maybe someday I'lle ven tell her what's up with me. Although I doubt that she'd understand (she's not even a Christian), but it might just make her think. For all I know God could be working on her even as I write this. Anyway, she's on my prayer list, which is getting quite long by the way.
5.6.99
now what?
Okay, this takes the weirdness award of the week (as far as I'm concerned). Tonight, who shows up on my doorstep but Josh Miller! Well, I don't want to be impolite or anything, but I want to know why he came. Of course, the next thing I know, dear Joseph is dribbling a basketball all over the driveway, loudly begging Josh to play Horse, and, of course, Josh agrees. So I go in the house thinking, Fine, he came over to play with my little brother. Mom looks at me kind of funny, and I quickly explain that I did NOT invite him over, nor am I pleased that he's here.
Well, my godpa overhears part of our conversation and speaks up (in what he thinks is a very fatherly way). "Sounds like you're being kind of hard on poor Josh, Layla." I look to my mom for help and she just makes a funny face. (I never did tell my dad about why I broke it off with Josh, and now I suspect my mom didn't either - which she probably thought was what I wanted at the time.)
So I lamely say to my godpa, "But I don't really like him, Papa."
Then my godpa kind of laughs and says, "Well, maybe you need to give the poor guy a second chance. You know we men can make mistakes sometimes." I want to say, Okay, who are you and what have you done with my godpa? but by then Josh is being led through the back door by Joseph who is getting him a soda. I just roll my eyes at Papa then go out to see how I can best get rid of Josh.
Finally I get Josh out to the front porch (a few steps closer to his Jeep) and I ask him, point blank, why he came over here. Big mistake! He immediately starts doing this song-and-dance routine (did I mention well rehearsed?) about how much he cares for me, how he's missed me, how I've hurt him. And finally just when I"m afraid that I'm starting to fall for it (and I can hardly believe what a wimp I am!), I hold up both hands and tell him to stop, that I don't want to hear it.
Then I say, "I'm sorry if I hurt you when I broke up, although you seemed to recover pretty quickly by getting back with Jenny-" Of couse he cuts me off there, saying whow it was Jenny who came after him (which I can believe by the way). But anyway, then I realize I HAVE to tell him about my vow to God, and for some reason I find this awfully embarrassing. But my heart starts to pound and then it's as if Jesus is standing right by my side, saying, "Go ahead and tell him everything." Well, I haven't even told my parents yet, and the windows to our house are all open, and somehow I just don't want them to overhear our conversation like this.
So, I ask if we take a ride. And he grins big and says, "Sure." And I'm certain he thinks he's gotten through to me (and who knows what else he thinks on this warm summer evening). So we start to drive and I immediately tell him (in surprising detail) all about my vow to remain a virgin and how I may not even date anymore. Well, at first he thinks I'm kidding, but I assure him I'm dead serious. Then he just gets real quiet. And finally he says, "Does that mean you're going to become a nun or something?"
Which makes me laugh, and I have to admit I was worried people would think that. But I tell him, "No. It's just something I believe God wants me to do - to protect me. And since I made this vow I've been really happy and relieved. And I plan on sticking to it." So he asks what's wrong with dating, and I have to explain that it just puts me in a situation where I might mess up on my vow and I don't want to do it. Then an idea hits me (you see I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic). So I say, "It's like an alcoholic who's made the choice not to drink anymore - she wouldn't want to spend any time hanging out at the bars, would she?"
Anyway, he got my point and started to take me back home. Then I said something I never dreamed I'd hear myself saying to Josh Miller. "You know, I really do like you, Josh. And when I was first getting to know you, do you remember how were just firneds. Remember how we talked in the library and stuff?" He nodded.
Then I said, "I'd still like to be friends with you like that."
He laughed. "It's never suppsoed to be good news when a girl says she 'just wants to be friends with you.'"
I shook my head and said, "But this is different, Josh. Just being friends is a really good thing!" Then I stuck out my hand and we shook to friendship, and Josh made me promise not to tell any of his buddies about this.
And once it was all said and done, it was kind of a nice relief to have a chance to say those things to him. Sort of like no hard feelings, you know. And, who knows, maybe Josh will grow up in time and turn in a strong Christian, and then who knows? But, believe me, I am not holding my breath. And this will not, (in any way, shape, or form) change or affect my vow to God.
Now I get the feeling that I'll have to tell my parents about this whole thing, and I"m just not sure how to go about it. I mean, it's not like you just announce to everyone at the dinner table. "Hey, everyone, I've decided not to have sex until I get married!" No, I'm sure there must be a better way. I guess I'll just have to ask God to show me when and how to best do it.
Well, my godpa overhears part of our conversation and speaks up (in what he thinks is a very fatherly way). "Sounds like you're being kind of hard on poor Josh, Layla." I look to my mom for help and she just makes a funny face. (I never did tell my dad about why I broke it off with Josh, and now I suspect my mom didn't either - which she probably thought was what I wanted at the time.)
So I lamely say to my godpa, "But I don't really like him, Papa."
Then my godpa kind of laughs and says, "Well, maybe you need to give the poor guy a second chance. You know we men can make mistakes sometimes." I want to say, Okay, who are you and what have you done with my godpa? but by then Josh is being led through the back door by Joseph who is getting him a soda. I just roll my eyes at Papa then go out to see how I can best get rid of Josh.
Finally I get Josh out to the front porch (a few steps closer to his Jeep) and I ask him, point blank, why he came over here. Big mistake! He immediately starts doing this song-and-dance routine (did I mention well rehearsed?) about how much he cares for me, how he's missed me, how I've hurt him. And finally just when I"m afraid that I'm starting to fall for it (and I can hardly believe what a wimp I am!), I hold up both hands and tell him to stop, that I don't want to hear it.
Then I say, "I'm sorry if I hurt you when I broke up, although you seemed to recover pretty quickly by getting back with Jenny-" Of couse he cuts me off there, saying whow it was Jenny who came after him (which I can believe by the way). But anyway, then I realize I HAVE to tell him about my vow to God, and for some reason I find this awfully embarrassing. But my heart starts to pound and then it's as if Jesus is standing right by my side, saying, "Go ahead and tell him everything." Well, I haven't even told my parents yet, and the windows to our house are all open, and somehow I just don't want them to overhear our conversation like this.
So, I ask if we take a ride. And he grins big and says, "Sure." And I'm certain he thinks he's gotten through to me (and who knows what else he thinks on this warm summer evening). So we start to drive and I immediately tell him (in surprising detail) all about my vow to remain a virgin and how I may not even date anymore. Well, at first he thinks I'm kidding, but I assure him I'm dead serious. Then he just gets real quiet. And finally he says, "Does that mean you're going to become a nun or something?"
Which makes me laugh, and I have to admit I was worried people would think that. But I tell him, "No. It's just something I believe God wants me to do - to protect me. And since I made this vow I've been really happy and relieved. And I plan on sticking to it." So he asks what's wrong with dating, and I have to explain that it just puts me in a situation where I might mess up on my vow and I don't want to do it. Then an idea hits me (you see I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic). So I say, "It's like an alcoholic who's made the choice not to drink anymore - she wouldn't want to spend any time hanging out at the bars, would she?"
Anyway, he got my point and started to take me back home. Then I said something I never dreamed I'd hear myself saying to Josh Miller. "You know, I really do like you, Josh. And when I was first getting to know you, do you remember how were just firneds. Remember how we talked in the library and stuff?" He nodded.
Then I said, "I'd still like to be friends with you like that."
He laughed. "It's never suppsoed to be good news when a girl says she 'just wants to be friends with you.'"
I shook my head and said, "But this is different, Josh. Just being friends is a really good thing!" Then I stuck out my hand and we shook to friendship, and Josh made me promise not to tell any of his buddies about this.
And once it was all said and done, it was kind of a nice relief to have a chance to say those things to him. Sort of like no hard feelings, you know. And, who knows, maybe Josh will grow up in time and turn in a strong Christian, and then who knows? But, believe me, I am not holding my breath. And this will not, (in any way, shape, or form) change or affect my vow to God.
Now I get the feeling that I'll have to tell my parents about this whole thing, and I"m just not sure how to go about it. I mean, it's not like you just announce to everyone at the dinner table. "Hey, everyone, I've decided not to have sex until I get married!" No, I'm sure there must be a better way. I guess I'll just have to ask God to show me when and how to best do it.
2.6.99
just an ordinary day
We had a car wash after youth group today. Both Leighanne and Zach participated and everyone was getting all excited about how fun it will be to go to Mexico together and everything. Then I glanced over at Leighanne to see this really sad look in her eyes, like her life (or maybe just her youth) was all over with now. And I wondered if being pregnant means she shouldn't go to Mexico (would it hurt the baby or something?). It's still just so much to take in.
Afterwards a bunch of us, including Andrea, went out for burgers and Andrea started to jokingly mention something about "our vows" but I managed to stop her and change the subject. I just didn't want Leighanne to hear about that yet. I wondered if there was some way to warn Andrea off without totally spilling the beans. I guess I'll be relieved when the state meet is over and Leighanne can finally tell Zach. Until then, my lips are seal (as are Aunt Steph's). Speaking of Aunt Steph, Leighanne and I observed her chatting with Pastor Tony (a little longer than seemed necessary). I'm wondering if there really might be something to my suspicions, and now with Leighanne staying with Steph, we'll have a built-in spy (not that we're spying), but I do think it'd be cool if Steph and Tony really hit it off, and I sure wouldn't mind having Tony for an uncle. He's had so many sad things in his life - and Steph is really a lot of fun. Anyway, I'll keep praying for them (to discover God' will in this regard), and I'm sure God can work out all the details.
Afterwards a bunch of us, including Andrea, went out for burgers and Andrea started to jokingly mention something about "our vows" but I managed to stop her and change the subject. I just didn't want Leighanne to hear about that yet. I wondered if there was some way to warn Andrea off without totally spilling the beans. I guess I'll be relieved when the state meet is over and Leighanne can finally tell Zach. Until then, my lips are seal (as are Aunt Steph's). Speaking of Aunt Steph, Leighanne and I observed her chatting with Pastor Tony (a little longer than seemed necessary). I'm wondering if there really might be something to my suspicions, and now with Leighanne staying with Steph, we'll have a built-in spy (not that we're spying), but I do think it'd be cool if Steph and Tony really hit it off, and I sure wouldn't mind having Tony for an uncle. He's had so many sad things in his life - and Steph is really a lot of fun. Anyway, I'll keep praying for them (to discover God' will in this regard), and I'm sure God can work out all the details.
1.6.99
district meet
I placed third in high jump today (not too bad, all things considered). After my event was finished I hung with Leighanne who was being brave and cheering Zach on, who, by the way outdid himself. Zach took first in two races and second in one. Poor Josh didn't even place. I was glad for Zach (although at the same time slightly perturbed that Leighanne was bearing her troubles alone). But when Zach wanted to take us out to celebrate, I started to decline until I saw the pleading look in Leighanne's eyes and realized that this was part of standing by her, and so I agreed.
Now if I had realized that meant Josh was joining us too, I might have said forget it. Not that we were having a date (at least not in my mind), but it felt a little like it just the same since I had to sit in the back with Josh. But instead of getting all worked up, I just turned and asked him what Jenny was doing tonight. He made a glum face and said they were'nt getting along too well just now, and that he didn't know why he'd ever gotten back together with her (which I hoped wasn't a lame try to regain my affections!). Just the same, I didn't make any more inquiries, but instead tried to focus my attention on Zach and how well he'd run his races today. I think that made Leighanne happy, and somehow I managed to survive our little celebration dinner.
Then Leighanne came over to spend the night at my house (she's asleep already; I think being pregnant makes you really tired). But we stayed up pretty late talking too. She said her mother didn't call to check on her last night, so she figures she doesn't care and is probably glad to be rid of her. I just can't imagine how that would feel if my mom wanted to be rid of me. Poor Leighanne, and just when she could really use a mother's ove. Apparently it went okay with Aunt Steph last night. We'll see how it goes. Leighanne used to dislike Aunt Steph, but she's watched her change in the last six months and I think she's appreciating her more than ever. And Leighanne said she'd really like to baby-sit Oliver this summer, and how she said that would help get her used to being around babies. When she said that I felt a chill of shock run through me as I remembered again that by next year, Leighanne would have a real, live baby! It's almost too weird to even think about. And I have a hard time talking about it with her. But maybe that's where Aunt Steph will come in handy. I still haven't told Leighanne about my virginity vow to God. I kind of think that would be just about the last thing she needs to hear right now. Poor Leighanne.
Now if I had realized that meant Josh was joining us too, I might have said forget it. Not that we were having a date (at least not in my mind), but it felt a little like it just the same since I had to sit in the back with Josh. But instead of getting all worked up, I just turned and asked him what Jenny was doing tonight. He made a glum face and said they were'nt getting along too well just now, and that he didn't know why he'd ever gotten back together with her (which I hoped wasn't a lame try to regain my affections!). Just the same, I didn't make any more inquiries, but instead tried to focus my attention on Zach and how well he'd run his races today. I think that made Leighanne happy, and somehow I managed to survive our little celebration dinner.
Then Leighanne came over to spend the night at my house (she's asleep already; I think being pregnant makes you really tired). But we stayed up pretty late talking too. She said her mother didn't call to check on her last night, so she figures she doesn't care and is probably glad to be rid of her. I just can't imagine how that would feel if my mom wanted to be rid of me. Poor Leighanne, and just when she could really use a mother's ove. Apparently it went okay with Aunt Steph last night. We'll see how it goes. Leighanne used to dislike Aunt Steph, but she's watched her change in the last six months and I think she's appreciating her more than ever. And Leighanne said she'd really like to baby-sit Oliver this summer, and how she said that would help get her used to being around babies. When she said that I felt a chill of shock run through me as I remembered again that by next year, Leighanne would have a real, live baby! It's almost too weird to even think about. And I have a hard time talking about it with her. But maybe that's where Aunt Steph will come in handy. I still haven't told Leighanne about my virginity vow to God. I kind of think that would be just about the last thing she needs to hear right now. Poor Leighanne.
31.5.99
poor Leighanne
I finally cornered Leighanne and demanded that she talk to me. She reluctantly agreed to see me tonight, and I went over to her house after dinner (since she refused to leave; I think she expected Zach to call or something - which he did not. Anyway, her house was a mess (as usual), or perhaps worse than usual because Leighanne usually straightens it when she thinks someone's coming over - it was apparent she didn't clean it for me (and her mother never, and I mean never, cleans it up).
Her mom wasn't home tonight so we sat in their tiny kitchen (amid the squalor which was pretty disgusting) and I asked Leighanne what was up. She just shrugged and said nothing. So I persisted. I told her I knew something was wrong, and I was pretty sure it had to do with Zach (even though I blew it a few months last winter) that she owed me some kind of explanation for the chill treatment she'd been giving me lately. Then she began to cry. I don't just mean quiet tears, I mean horrible, gut-wrenching, heaving sobs.
I felt so horrible. In the first place, Leighanne is (and always has been) one of the toughest girls I know. In middle school she got beat up once, by three girls who said they were in a gang, and she never even shed a tear. But now there she was; sitting at their messy little plastic-topped kitchen table, just literally crying her eyes out. And I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there watching dumbly and praying silently. I finally got up and searched for a slightly clean glass and filled it with water, set it in front of her, then wrapped my arms around her and held her while she cried some more. I think I was crying then too, although I wasn't even sure why, except that my friend was hurting. Finally, she stopped and began to take little sips of water. Still I waited. And then she told me.
Leighanne is afraid that she is pregnant. Oh man, I did not know what to say to that. I just sat there in shock, wondering what in the world a seventeen-year-old girl does when she's pregnant. I mean, both Leighanne and I are hugely opposed to abortion (we even participated in a Right to Life parade once in middle school). So anyway, I didn't know what to say. Finally I asked her if her mother knew. She said no. THen I asked if Zach knew (of course I know Zach must be the father). But again she said no. That's when I realized I was the first person she'd told this to. Poor Leighanne - what a huge load to carry all alone. So, I asked her if she'd taken a pregnancy test or anything, and she said she was too scared to, but that she thought she had all the typical symptoms (like upset stomach and, of course, missing her period).
Well, it was just too much to take in, but I think that silent prayer must've worked and that God was helping me to speak because the next thing I said was, "Leighanne, it doesn't matter if you're pregnant; God still loves you and so do I. And even though you're feeling miserable right now, I just know that good is going to come out of this somehow. And no matter what, I'm going to stand by you and be your friend. Do you understand that?" She nodded. Then I said, "I know Zach will stand by you too. He's a good guy." Again she nodded and we hugged.
She told me that the reason she hadn't mentioned it to Zach was so he could focus on his track - and hopefully make it to state. "That means you can't tell him for two weeks," I said. "How will you manage to keep it from him that long?" She wasn't sure, but she was determind she would. Right then I think I admired Leighanne more than ever. I mean, here she was suffering (and it had as much to do with Zach as her) and yet, in a way she was protecting him so that he could do his best in track. I asked her what her mom would think, and again she just shrugged. "Who knows?" she finally said. "You can never tell. She might just pretend like it's nothing, or she might go through the roof."
Suddenly I just wanted to rescue Leighanne from all this. I mean, she and I have always talked about how we'll get an apartment together when we're out of school. But I wondered if she could even last that long. And that's when I thought of Aunt Steph (as well as her need for a babysitter).
So, I told Leighanne I had this idea; it might not work, but it was worth a try. Then I called Aunt Steph and just basically told her the whole story. Now some people would be put off hearing about a high school girl getting pregnant and everything, but Aunt Steph was so cool about it. Without even pausing, she said, "Why doesn't Leighanne just come live with me for a while? If she likes it and wants to babysit Oliver during summer, then great. And if not, we'll just part as friends. Do you think she'd like that?" I wished I could've hugged Aunt Steph right over the phone, but I told her I'd check with Leighanne and call her right back.
Well, to make the long story shor, I helped Leighanne pack her stuff, waited while she wrote her mom a note, then drove her over to Steph's place. I know it's not such a big thing, but somehow I think it encouraged Leighanne, and Steph seemed really glad to help out. Even if it's just for a little while, it might give Leighanne some time to think and to sort out her life. And I know Steph is a good influence right now (not to mention understanding).
So tonight I'm going to bed with very mixed feelings: 1) I'm terribly upset and worried about Leighanne, but 2) I think she's in good hands with Steph, and 3) I just hope I can keep my mouth shut where Zach is concerned, at least until track season is over.
And, not that I'm gloating (because I most certainly am not) but at the same time I am so enormously thankful that God showed me how much I needed to make that vow to him - and I do realize that I could very easily be in Leighanne's shoes, and I thank God I am not. Just the same, I mean what I said tonight: I will definitely stick by her through it all. No matter what.
Her mom wasn't home tonight so we sat in their tiny kitchen (amid the squalor which was pretty disgusting) and I asked Leighanne what was up. She just shrugged and said nothing. So I persisted. I told her I knew something was wrong, and I was pretty sure it had to do with Zach (even though I blew it a few months last winter) that she owed me some kind of explanation for the chill treatment she'd been giving me lately. Then she began to cry. I don't just mean quiet tears, I mean horrible, gut-wrenching, heaving sobs.
I felt so horrible. In the first place, Leighanne is (and always has been) one of the toughest girls I know. In middle school she got beat up once, by three girls who said they were in a gang, and she never even shed a tear. But now there she was; sitting at their messy little plastic-topped kitchen table, just literally crying her eyes out. And I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there watching dumbly and praying silently. I finally got up and searched for a slightly clean glass and filled it with water, set it in front of her, then wrapped my arms around her and held her while she cried some more. I think I was crying then too, although I wasn't even sure why, except that my friend was hurting. Finally, she stopped and began to take little sips of water. Still I waited. And then she told me.
Leighanne is afraid that she is pregnant. Oh man, I did not know what to say to that. I just sat there in shock, wondering what in the world a seventeen-year-old girl does when she's pregnant. I mean, both Leighanne and I are hugely opposed to abortion (we even participated in a Right to Life parade once in middle school). So anyway, I didn't know what to say. Finally I asked her if her mother knew. She said no. THen I asked if Zach knew (of course I know Zach must be the father). But again she said no. That's when I realized I was the first person she'd told this to. Poor Leighanne - what a huge load to carry all alone. So, I asked her if she'd taken a pregnancy test or anything, and she said she was too scared to, but that she thought she had all the typical symptoms (like upset stomach and, of course, missing her period).
Well, it was just too much to take in, but I think that silent prayer must've worked and that God was helping me to speak because the next thing I said was, "Leighanne, it doesn't matter if you're pregnant; God still loves you and so do I. And even though you're feeling miserable right now, I just know that good is going to come out of this somehow. And no matter what, I'm going to stand by you and be your friend. Do you understand that?" She nodded. Then I said, "I know Zach will stand by you too. He's a good guy." Again she nodded and we hugged.
She told me that the reason she hadn't mentioned it to Zach was so he could focus on his track - and hopefully make it to state. "That means you can't tell him for two weeks," I said. "How will you manage to keep it from him that long?" She wasn't sure, but she was determind she would. Right then I think I admired Leighanne more than ever. I mean, here she was suffering (and it had as much to do with Zach as her) and yet, in a way she was protecting him so that he could do his best in track. I asked her what her mom would think, and again she just shrugged. "Who knows?" she finally said. "You can never tell. She might just pretend like it's nothing, or she might go through the roof."
Suddenly I just wanted to rescue Leighanne from all this. I mean, she and I have always talked about how we'll get an apartment together when we're out of school. But I wondered if she could even last that long. And that's when I thought of Aunt Steph (as well as her need for a babysitter).
So, I told Leighanne I had this idea; it might not work, but it was worth a try. Then I called Aunt Steph and just basically told her the whole story. Now some people would be put off hearing about a high school girl getting pregnant and everything, but Aunt Steph was so cool about it. Without even pausing, she said, "Why doesn't Leighanne just come live with me for a while? If she likes it and wants to babysit Oliver during summer, then great. And if not, we'll just part as friends. Do you think she'd like that?" I wished I could've hugged Aunt Steph right over the phone, but I told her I'd check with Leighanne and call her right back.
Well, to make the long story shor, I helped Leighanne pack her stuff, waited while she wrote her mom a note, then drove her over to Steph's place. I know it's not such a big thing, but somehow I think it encouraged Leighanne, and Steph seemed really glad to help out. Even if it's just for a little while, it might give Leighanne some time to think and to sort out her life. And I know Steph is a good influence right now (not to mention understanding).
So tonight I'm going to bed with very mixed feelings: 1) I'm terribly upset and worried about Leighanne, but 2) I think she's in good hands with Steph, and 3) I just hope I can keep my mouth shut where Zach is concerned, at least until track season is over.
And, not that I'm gloating (because I most certainly am not) but at the same time I am so enormously thankful that God showed me how much I needed to make that vow to him - and I do realize that I could very easily be in Leighanne's shoes, and I thank God I am not. Just the same, I mean what I said tonight: I will definitely stick by her through it all. No matter what.
30.5.99
trouble brewing?
I'm pretty sure that Leighanne is either avoiding me or that something is troubling her. I saw her at school this morning and called out, but she just kept walking, looking at her feet as she went. Then I didn't see her anywhere at lunch, but I spotted Zach and went to see if he knew what was up. He told me that they'd agreed to spend a little less time together until he finished up track season. It's important for him to do his best because he has a good chance of getting a college sports scholarship out of it.
But then after school, Leighanne didn't even show up for swim practice again, and the coach asked me what was up with her. I said I didn't know, but he said that she's missed three practices she can't compete in the the meet on Friday. Somehow I don't think she'll really care. I tried to call her again tonight, but this time no one answered. I left a message, but I doubt she'll call me. I think the next time I see her I better just go tackle her or something. I really do miss her. I suppose she's just down in the dumps because she and Zach are cooling it for the time being, but I think it's understandable. I know a college scholarship is really important to him. And I'd think that Leighanne would understand that too. Then again, I know how insecure she is; she might be taking this too hard.
But then after school, Leighanne didn't even show up for swim practice again, and the coach asked me what was up with her. I said I didn't know, but he said that she's missed three practices she can't compete in the the meet on Friday. Somehow I don't think she'll really care. I tried to call her again tonight, but this time no one answered. I left a message, but I doubt she'll call me. I think the next time I see her I better just go tackle her or something. I really do miss her. I suppose she's just down in the dumps because she and Zach are cooling it for the time being, but I think it's understandable. I know a college scholarship is really important to him. And I'd think that Leighanne would understand that too. Then again, I know how insecure she is; she might be taking this too hard.